I’ve always envied people who love their jobs. There are a lot of reasons people feel happy about their job. It is what makes them excited, brings them good money, provides them with a work-life balance, and has benefits, to name a few. I wonder how it feels for one to feel thrilled to go to work and, at the end of the day, to be as excited to return home. Did they fall in love with what they do right away? Or did they learn how to love what they do?
Unfortunately, I am not one of these lucky people… I do not love my job and often do not even like it. I am good at doing it, so most of the time, I just do it on autopilot. I am tired of being responsible for people who have zero work ethics. I get frustrated watching people “run the clock.” I do not know how to walk or sit at work; I am running around, or as a minimum, speedwalking. Watching people move as if they weigh 600 pounds is like letting water drops slowly fall on the top of your head….for days!
You know what I did today? First, a child threw up on the floor, and the mom just went to another side of the store, so I had to clean it up and barely made it not to add to the puddle myself. Then, before leaving an hour later than scheduled (as always) I decided to use a restroom since the drive home with the traffic could be close to an hour. Was I able to use it right away? No! As always. I had to pick up tissue paper that customers drop everywhere BUT the trash cans, and then I had to unclog the toilet that would not flash because, besides poop, someone put almost an entire roll of toilet paper in it. The craziest thing is that customers come to me saying that the restrooms are dirty and that someone did not flush the toilet. I cannot patrol the restroom simply because people do not know how to treat public restrooms.
Ok, ok, my job is NOT to clean the throw-ups and toilets. I do have many reasons to love my job, but I can’t get myself to do it. I do feel great when leaving work. I realize that I put out many fires, put smiles on people’s faces, and taught someone how to do something. I make decent money and have competitive benefits. I enjoy spending time with most people I work with. I have supportive leaders. It is also comforting to know that I work for a strong company. Knowing my job well helps me run my store without hiccups even when I feel sick (in my twenty years in retail, I called out sick only once because I literally could not get out of bed).
I cannot get myself to love my job because I do not have much of a life outside of work. I work long hours, and it takes a while to get to work and back, and by the time I get home, I am mentally drained (from having to smile, be energetic, and force myself to look and sound like everything is fantastic) and physically exhausted. Being a single parent puts a lot of responsibilities on one’s shoulders. I have to be not only financially stable but also emotionally and physically available, and I am missing some steps because of my job or actually because of the way it affects me. How can I expect my daughter to be a certain way when I am not there enough to show her the ropes, share experiences, and address issues?
Until I get at least a master’s, I cannot afford to change careers and start doing what I’d love to do. So, how do I make myself love what I do before I start doing what I love?